just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
