There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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