There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
