He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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