capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
