I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
3pm strippers are depressing
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
