yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
