I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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