I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
