So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
