I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
