dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
