the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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