I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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