we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think people are normalizing furries
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
