Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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