I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
