Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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