i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
