Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
