Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
