i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
