matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
