She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
