U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
