I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize