It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
