I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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