Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
