Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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