we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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