I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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