I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
