suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
