Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
