Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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