Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
