How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
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So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
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I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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