I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
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And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.