Is it because I queefed?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!