This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.