wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor