So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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