my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
