so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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