Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
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i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
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I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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