Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
