Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
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Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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