The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
God, you're like boner-b-gone
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
