So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
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and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
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When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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