I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
