frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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