Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
