Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
