I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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