Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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