She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
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He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
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I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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