she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
