Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There r osticjed everywhere
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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