used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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