How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
