I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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