I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
