i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
