i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
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He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
third nipple confirmed
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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