he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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