one two three fourrrrnication!
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize
